So You Wanna Date A SSXer
by RnBwRvrGrl and Digital Tempest
Summary: So you wanna date a SSX-er? We're here for ya! We work hard, so you don't have to. And the insanity continues. [2nd in the So You Wanna Date... series] - Sparkle
1. Allegra Sauvagess

Title: So You Wanna Date a SSX-er

Rating: PG-13 – we guess

Authors: Sparkle (RnBwRvrGrl) and Digital Tempest (Tempest)

Email: rnbwrvrgrl_and_digitaltempest@yahoo.com

Summary: The madness begins. Once again, high sugar intake and insanity have brought you another Sparkle and Tempest production courtesy of wacky MSN conversations. We were bored. *shrugs*

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores! This isn't meant to be taken seriously at all. This is very tongue-in-cheek if you want to know what you're in for check out our other weirdo fic "So You Wanna Date A Duck". We do this from time to time just to have a little fun. It's odd. It's supposed to be. No regrets. Extreme OOCness and silliness ahead. Some of these questions were inspired by *cough*stolen from*cough* Bolt's honey quiz thingie. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

-x-

-Sparkle skips into the room, dragging Tempest along behind her because it's a common known fact that Tempest is always forced into these things.-

Tempest: It's freakin' cold here. Couldn't you pick another location to do this? *looks around* Where are we anyway?

Sparkle: ^____^ On a mountain.

Tempest: A mountain?! What in heavens name for? *glares* You're about to do something evil again, aren't you? I wants no parts of this. You remember what happened last time.

[Cut scene: Tempest in a ninja outfit throwing whizzing ninja disks at a boy in hockey gear.]

Sparkle: This time around it'll be better. *says sweetly* I promise.

Tempest: You promised me that last time, and you know what happened. Let's see, you got a kid kidnapped, your house nearly burnt down, you got me yelled at by some corporate bigwigs, you used me as ransom, you used me as ransom AGAIN. You—

Sparkle: Alright. Alright. I'm sorry. Geesh! Some people are so unappreciative. C'mon Tempest, this'll be fun.

Tempest: Where have I heard that line before? OH RIGHT! IN THE OTHER FIC WHERE YOU HELD ME FOR RANSOM!

Sparkle: I was gonna get you back. No worries, mate. 

Tempest: So, what are we doing here? 

Sparkle: Have you looked at the title for this fic, my friend?

-Tempest reads the title of the fic aloud, "So You Wanna Date…" she trails off.-

Tempest: Oh no… Sparkle… please, no… *backs toward the door* NOT AGAIN! 

Sparkle: Oh yes. Again! THIS TIME WE SHALL BE SUCCESSFUL!

Tempest: We? Since when did this become a "we" thing? 

Sparkle: Since right now.

Tempest: Hey, I gotta a great idea! Why don't we just not do this? It's not too late to pull out.

-Sparkle doesn't listen to Tempest as she pulls out her handy, dandy duct tape and walks out the door.-

Tempest: Uh-oh…

-Sparkle walks back into the room with a body hogtied in duct tape.-

Tempest: ~_~ … and the gods laughed.

Sparkle: *struggles to drag the body across the room* A little help here…

Tempest: *shakes head* Oh hell no. You're going down for this one alone. *crosses arms and sits on a sofa*

Sparkle: Now, let's start this fic off with a bang. That means: NO SURLY TEMPEST!

Tempest: If I can't be surly, then what's the point of even breathing? Who is that, anyway? Brodi? Cause I'd be very happy if it were Brodi… or Psymon… yeah…

Sparkle: No, it's not Brodi or Psymon. *peers at the person and swears* Allegra… Damnit! I thought this was Mac.

Tempest: Excuse me, you thought that was Mac?! How do you confuse Mac and Allegra? They aren't even the same sex for [expletive deleted] sakes. Did you just delete the word [expletive deleted]? YOU DID! YOU'RE CENSORING ME! HOW DARE YOU!

Sparkle: *drags Allegra and puts her on the couch between her and Tempest* This is A PG-13 fic. 

Tempest: So, I can't say [expletive deleted]? Well, what's the point of being here if I can't say [expletive deleted]? Well, [expletive deleted]. *sigh* It's going to be a long fic. *pushes Allegra over toward Sparkle* … and the gods laughed more. FCUK!

Sparkle: TEMPEST! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!

Tempest: You never said I couldn't say fcuk! You said I couldn't say [expletive deleted]. 

Sparkle: You'll always find a loophole, won't you?

Tempest: You're damn skippy I will.

Allegra: mmmmhmm-mmmm…

Tempest: She's talking to you. *mutters* We are so going to jail. 

-Sparkle rips the tape off Allegra's mouth.-

Allegra: OUCH! Whatcha go and do that for? Any why did you jump on the slopes? That was not cool. You're worse than the boys.

Sparkle: We're here to help you. 

Tempest: Correction. *points at Sparkle* She's here to help you. I'm just here, and I don't even want to be here. Make sure you note that when you make your police report. Sparkle was the one who kidnapped you. Sparrrrrkle.

Sparkle: *glares at Tempest*

Tempest: *looks innocent* What?

-Sparkle looks down at her clipboard while Tempest mouths the words "Sparkle's insane" and "Sparkle's [expletive deleted] crazy" at Allegra.-

Sparkle: *doesn't look up from clipboard* I hear you, Tempest. 

Tempest: *deadpan* No, you don't. 

Sparkle: *rolls eyes* Anyway, hello Allegra.

Allegra: Who are you? Where am I? Why am I here? Where are the boys?

oOTempest mentally contemplates whether Allegra's vocabulary extends beyond the words "boys".Oo

Sparkle: Well, um… we don't have any boys here right now, but we're going to hook you up with a boy…

Tempest: *chirps in a sing-song voice* Or a girl…

Allegra: *looks confused for a moment* What's a girl? Is that a boy spelled with a "g"?

Tempest: Uh-huh! Girl is just the word boy spelled with a "g". *shakes head sadly and says to Sparkle* You sure know how to pick 'em.

Sparkle: Don't blame this on me. I thought she was Mac.

Tempest: I'm still trying to understand that. I don't understand how you get MAC and ALLEGRA mixed up.

Allegra: Is Mac a girl? *thinks really hard*

Sparkle: *chuckles and pats Allegra on the head* No, you're a girl.

Allegra: No, I'm a grrl not a girl…

Sparkle: That's what I said girl.

Allegra: NO, I'M A GRRRRL!!

Tempest: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO BABBLING ABOUT? I'VE GOT TO GET OUT HERE.

-Tempest runs toward the readers' screen and starts banging.-

Tempest: LEMME OUT OF HERE!

Sparkle & Allegra: o_O;;

-Sparkle pulls Tempest away from the readers' screen.-

Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN!

-Tempest walks back to the couch and sits down.-

Sparkle: Alright, can we please continue? *says to Allegra* We're here to hook you up with a potential soul mate, as I was telling you before.

Allegra: Wha?

Tempest: She's gonna hook you up with a boy or a girl… I mean grrl, you dumb—

Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* Don't you say it.

Allegra: *says to Tempest* You're a big meanie. You're worse than the boys.

Tempest: Mean…? *laughs evilly* She thinks I'm mean. That's the cutest thing I've heard all day. Why, thank you.

Allegra: Is she this mean to everyone?

Sparkle: *nods* I'm afraid so. Anyhow, I'm supposed to be interviewing you to find you a possible love match.

Tempest: This is the part where I zone out…

Sparkle: *ignores Tempest* Now, as you should know, we are the world's best matchmakers—

Tempest: That's a lie.

Sparkle: *continues to ignore Tempest* We have the most reputable dating service on fanfiction.net—

Tempest: *yawns* Lie.

Sparkle: We will get you hooked up…

Tempest: Or kidnapped by some fanatical fan. 

Sparkle: Frankly, we're the best in the biz. 

Tempest: Lies. All lies I say. If I were you, I would run for my life.

Allegra: *whimpers* But she promised me a boy…

Sparkle: I like her. At least, SOMEBODY has a little faith in me.

Tempest: In case, you haven't noticed, she ain't the brightest crayon in the box… *says to Allegra* You sure do dress cute, but you're a bit on the dim side. I guess the term "daft punk" would apply to you literally. 

Allegra: Hey! I resent that. Never in my life have I taken drugs. Okay, there was that one time when…

Tempest: *says to the readers* THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER DO DRUGS!

Sparkle: Ignore her. She's just bitter.

Tempest: And surly, you forgot surly.

Sparkle: *lets out exasperated sigh* Aren't you supposed to be zoned out? ZONE OUT ALREADY! Geesh!

Tempest: Fine! *huffs*

-Tempest mutters more, stands up, and walks around her new surroundings.-

Sparkle: Finally, a little peace. Now, Allegra. Let's get the thing started right. Tell us a little more about yourself.

Allegra: I'm Allegra Sauvagess. I'm 18. I'm French. And I like boys. 

Tempest: *snorts* She likes boys.

Sparkle: And what don't you like?

Allegra: *thinks really hard* Boys.

Sparkle: *furrows brows* Ooookay, well let's move on. What would be your honey tagline?

Allegra: 1-800-Kiss-My-Snowboard.

Tempest: WTF? *shakes head and tries to zone back out*

Sparkle: Smoker? Drinker? Partier?

Allegra: No. And there was that one time… but that doesn't count… I like a good party.

Sparkle: We need to find out what type of guy… I mean… boy… sorry… you're interested in.

Allegra: *thinks really hard*

Tempest: She sure does think a lot. Christ, we're dealing with a [expletive deleted] here. Damn, and you didn't forget to delete my expletive. I thought I could slip one by you.

Sparkle: Never. *says to Allegra* Your answer please.

Allegra: I like competitive boys. I like boys who see me as competition and not their best Betty, boys that don't allow me to win because I'm a girl, boys that will play as hard against me as they will other boys. I like athletic guys with a sense of humor because you have to have a sense of humor to keep getting you ass handed back to you by me because everyone knows that: Girls do it better. I don't like being treated like some freakin' Barbie doll, and any guy who does treat me like some fragile doll will be eating my snowboard tracks.

Tempest: *facefaults* Wow… I'm impressed. That's the smartest thing she's said all night.

Allegra: *blinks rapidly* What happened? I blacked out.

Tempest: *mutters* I knew it was too good to be true. You just missed the best moment in your young life.

Allegra: I MISSED THE BOY?

Tempest: *throws hands in the air* I GIVE UP!

Sparkle: Next question: First date. What would be the perfect first date.

Allegra: Skateboarding or snowboard… no doubt. Also, It would probably be really cool to check out a band or something, and even better if the boy is in a band… playing lead guitar preferably.

Sparkle: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Tempest: TEN YEARS? She can't even think beyond ten minutes. That's like asking your average Joe what he thinks the world would be like in 1million years. They don't comprehend. *goes back to minding her own business*

Allegra: Hey! I do know where I will be in 10 years. Hopefully, I'll be top rider in ANY snowboarding division. If not, Tony Hawk can get ready to eat my grass.

Sparkle: SEE TEMPEST! She's not dumb.

Tempest: That's what you say. *says to Allegra* Besides, Tony Hawk ownz j00! 

Allegra: *huffs* DOES NOT! I CAN BEAT TONY HAWK ANYDAY.

Tempest: Pshh! Only in your dreams. Tony Hawk is l337 like Ninja and well… you're… you and you not leet enough to beat Tony! Bruhaha!

Sparkle: Can we please not have any of your haxor speak, Tempest?

Allegra: *sniffles* But I am better than Tony. He's just a stupid boy.

Tempest: He's a stupid boy that will eat circles around you. 

Allegra: *glares at Tempest* I hate you, too.

Adam (O.C.): Join the club.

Tempest: o_O;; How did Adam get in this fic? 

Sparkle: He er… ah… I not know! *shrugs* I thought I had him chained to the floor… I mean… umm…

Allegra: *_* There are voices coming from the air… I hear invisible people. Is that a boy?

Sparkle: Yes.

Allegra: -squee- I like boys! Can I keep him… even if he is invisible?

Sparkle: *growls* Back off the boy… He's mine! MINE!

Tempest: *whaps Sparkle* Whoa girl!

Sparkle: Oh sorry… we need to be wrapping this up.

Tempest: Good, cause I'm freezing…

Sparkle: *gets all Barbara Walters serious* So tell us, what would make you a hell of a honey.

Allegra: I'm the best there is, and that's all there is to say about that.

Sparkle: Alright, and there you have it for the source herself. 

Tempest: WAIT! I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS!

Sparkle: Tempest, I'm warning you… ~_~

Tempest: Enquiring minds want to know… is Viggo really a boy? I mean… he's awfully… *cough* womanly…

Allegra: How dare you talk about my friend like that. *offended* Viggo is a boy.

Tempest: *crosses arms* How do you know? Have you ever seen it…?

Allegra: It?

Tempest: Gawd, do I have to spell everything out? It… it… IT!! His [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].

Sparkle: TEMPEST!! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!

Tempest: What?

Allegra: Viggo is a boy…

Tempest: I'm not convinced. I think the biggest scandal in SSX history is waiting to come out in the open. Viggo is really HELGA!

Allegra: VIGGO IS A BOY!

Tempest: YOU LIE! Fine if you don't want to share the goods. I will have to proceed to my next question. Why didn't Rahzel come back? Is it true he's battling a drug addiction?

Allegra: Who's Rahzel?

Tempest: Don't you play dumb with me. Wait, I forgot who I was talking to. 

Sparkle: This is starting to turn into a tabloid gone wrong. 

Tempest: Tell me this. Does Psymon really run around in his jock strap? ^_________^

Allegra: @_@;;;; Er… too many questions… brain… going… into… overdrive…

Tempest: JUST TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW ALREADY! 

Allegra: Can't function…

Tempest: GRRR! I'm going to SMITE you.

-Tempest raises hand and the might smiting rod begins to descend from the sky.-

Sparkle: *grabs Tempest's hand before she can smite Allegra* You can't go around killing the clientele. 

Tempest: WHY THE HELL NOT? She didn't answer any of my questions. That's a reason to smite her. *sniffles* I don't have to take this. I'm going home.

-Tempest opens the door and a big blast of wind comes in.-

Tempest: Okay, maybe I'll go home AFTER the snow stops, but I don't have to take this. 

-Tempest storms off and locks herself in the bathroom.-

Sparkle: Oi…

*

Is Allegra capable of beating Tony Hawk? Will Tempest every find out if Viggo's really a girl? Will Allegra ever find the boy of her dreams? And what's up with the Psymon's Jockstrap? (Tempest: ehehehehe…) Will the insanity end? (Sparkle: No, it gets worse… much… much… worse) *cues the cheesy mystery music* 


	2. Caught!

Title: So You Wanna Date a SSX-er

Rating: PG-13 – we guess

Authors: Sparkle (RnBwRvrGrl) and Digital Tempest (Tempest)

Email: rnbwrvrgrl_and_digitaltempest@yahoo.com

Summary: The madness begins. Once again, high sugar intake and insanity have brought you another Sparkle and Tempest production courtesy of wacky MSN conversations. We were bored. *shrugs*

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores! This isn't meant to be taken seriously at all. This is very tongue-in-cheek if you want to know what you're in for check out our other weirdo fic "So You Wanna Date A Duck". We do this from time to time just to have a little fun. It's odd. It's supposed to be. No regrets. Extreme OOCness and silliness ahead. Some of these questions were inspired by *cough*stolen from*cough* Bolt's honey quiz thingie. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

* * *

 -Sparkle walks into the room where Tempest is already rocking out to some really loud music.-

Tempest: ROCK the FCUK on! \m/ ^___^ \m/

Sparkle: *covers ears* What are you doing? Sometimes, I worry about your sanity, girl.

-Tempest continues to jump around the room.-

Tempest: I'm having a one-woman party on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. Isn't it obvious?

Sparkle: *turns off the music* You scare me.

Tempest: *bobs head to the now non-existent beat* Thanks, chica. That's the nicest thing you've said to me in a long time.

Sparkle: *sighs* I would like to address a couple of reviews before we go on. Nick, you cannot have every girl in this fic. Isn't causing chaos in one fic enough for you.

Tempest: *pulls out dull fork* Don't make me debrain you, Nick!

Sparkle: Thanks for catching the typo for us, Nova. We actually know a guy named Viggio, and it that was sort of a slip of the keyboard. And thanks for pointing out that Allegra said she was French, but there is a reason we made her say that…

Tempest: Wait, I didn't make her say anything. In fact, I would have preferred if she said nothing at all. She's not French? What a load of [expletive deleted].  I told you the SSX circuit was full of scandal and I am going to UNCOVER it all.

Sparkle: Don't you ever get tired of harassing fanfiction characters?

Tempest: I don't harass them. You shouldn't write me into fics if you know I'm going to harass the characters. It's just that simple. Besides, I ask the important stuff that people WANT to hear. 

Sparkle: For once, please, do the right thing.

Tempest: *evil grin* Of course, I always do the right thing. Now, where's my camera? 

Sparkle: *grabs Tempest by the hood of her hoodie before she can get away*

Tempest: Sparkle, you're hindering progress. Enquiring minds want to know why Allegra told us she was French. I bet it's because she's dumb. She didn't know any better. She probably does think she's French. JP's French… I'm getting a connection here. Scandal and debauchery! I can already see the headlines: American girl pretends to be French to snag Jean-Paul Arsenault. Won't that just make his day? Will you let me go?

Sparkle: I can't let you go around spreading lies. 

Tempest: I'm not lying. Just think of me as your daily tabloid. Half of what I say will be true, so it's half-truths.

Sparkle: Also known as lies.

-Tempest opens up a notepad.-

Sparkle: What is that?

Tempest: Oh nothing. Just a reminder.

-Sparkle snatches away Tempest's notepad.-

Sparkle: *reads aloud* Expose Viggo as being a girl. Break Rahzel out of drug rehab. Expose Allegra and JP's affair. Write a tell-all book about adventures in fanfiction.net land and then burn the evidence. Expose Sparkle as a… hey! I'm no fraud.  

Tempest: That's not for you to see. 

Sparkle: I knew you'd turn on me one day.

Tempest: Hey, I have to get something out of all this, don't I? *cough* Anyway, today is the day I go home, right? 

Sparkle: Of course not. We have many, many snowboarders to go.

Tempest: *mutters* I'm never getting out of here. So… who are we interviewing today? *looks hopeful*

Sparkle: I don't know, yet. We have to go catch snowboarder hunting. 

Tempest: You mean I have to help you kidnap them? There is nothing in my contract that says anything about helping you to kidnap snowboarders. Why didn't you catch them all when you caught Allegra like you did with the hockey players? 

Sparkle: Snowboarders are a little harder to catch than hockey players. 

Tempest: If they're harder to catch that means you shouldn't be catching them. They're not wild animals, you know. We shouldn't be catching wild animals either, but you get what I'm saying…

Sparkle: We have to go chase a snowboarder down. How else are we supposed to get them?

Tempest: Why is it always a "we" thing when you know you could possibly get into trouble?

Sparkle: Tempest, we're a team.

Tempest: So, how are we supposed to gp about catching snowboarders? I'm just curious. Doesn't mean I'm going to help.

Sparkle: *pulls duct tape out of her messenger bag* With Jesus duct tape, and… *walks to a closet Tempest never noticed before* and these! 

-Sparkle opens the door to reveal two snowboards. One is rainbow colored and says Sparkle on it. The other has a shor of the X-Men on it and says, "Fear the Tempest".-

Tempest: *deadpan* I don't know how to snowboard, and I like my life thank you very much. I do actually want to live to see at least thirty. 

Sparkle: It's not that hard… really. Besides, your board has X-Men on it…

Tempest: I'll put it on my wall, then.

Sparkle: You can wear a matching X-Men shirt. Won't it go well with your black UFOs that you added the gems too?

Tempest: *pauses and looks down at her black UFO pants* Where's the shirt?

-Sparkle pulls a screened Wolverine t-shirt out of the closet that has seen a little t-shirt surgery.-

Tempest: Wow, someone really took their time making this shirt. You don't know how to do T-shirt surgery. *eyes Sparkle warily* If I didn't know any better, I think you were trying to bribe me.

Sparkle: Yes, this is a bribe.

Tempest: Well, I guess if I'm going to die, I might as well go out in style. 

Sparkle: *pats Tempest on the back* That's the spirit, my girl. If you can survive bungee jumping, you can survive this.

Tempest: But this isn't anything like bungee jumping. 

-Sparkle pulls a reluctant Tempest out of the lodge.-

Tempest: o_O;; So much snow. Where do they keep it all? And will someone please turn up the heat out here? *shivers*

Sparkle: C'mon, Tempest! 

-Sparkle goes whizzing off on her snowboard. Tempest steps onto her snowboard cautiously and crouches her knees and says, "WHEE" as she goes only three miles per hour.-

Tempest: Sparkle, wait for me! How do I control this thing? *flailing arms like a stork on crack* AH! I'M ABOUT TO RUN INTO A TREE. 

-Tempest falls.-

Tempest: Steps off snowboard and kicks it. *gives her snowboard the middle finger salute* [expletive deleted] that! How is she still censoring my words from far away?

-Tempest runs backs to the lodge and finds her backpack. She puts her camera, a tape recorder, a notepad, cherry-flavored lipgloss, bubblegum, Mountain Dew Live Wire, three floppy disks, sunglasses, and various other objects in her bag.-

Tempest: Thank goodness for huge messenger bags. 

-Tempest puts her hoodie back on cause it's cold and runs back outside, taking off in the direction that Sparkle disappeared in. Tempest runs forever until she hears Sparkle whooping in the distance.-

Sparkle (somewhere in the distance): TEMPEST, HEY TEMPEST! I CAUGHT ONE! SORTA! COME HELP ME! TEMPEST? WHERE ARE YOU? 

-Tempest starts to run in the direction of Sparkle's voice, but slows down when she sees Viggo standing not too far away, preening.-

Tempest: Should I help Sparkle? Or should I harass Viggo? *contemplates*

-Tempest looks in the direction she heard Sparkle and then looks back at Viggo. She makes her decision.-

Tempest: *decides Sparkle can wait* YOO-HOO! VIGGO! I HAVE A FEW OF QUESTIONS FOR YOU! *pulls out her camera*

-Meanwhile, Sparkle is chasing down Nate, wondering where Tempest has gone. She nearly had Nate, but he did some insane jump and now she's chasing him again.-

Sparkle: Where is that confounded girl? *screams after Nate* WE JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU DAMMIT!

-Sparkle spots Tempest not to far from them and realized they have rode in circles. Tempest is running after Viggo screaming about him being a girl.-

Sparkle: TEMPEST! A LITTLE HELP. 

-Tempest turns and run backs toward Sparkle and Nate, nearly tripping over her pants in the process. Tempest takes out a keyboard, which looks strangely familiar to Sparkle. Tempest starts typing away on the keyboard.-

Nate: You'll never catch… *oof!*

-Sparkle slows and watches as Terry Tate, office linebacker, tackles Nate to the snow. She winces as Terry Tate stands over Nate and says, "TO BE THE BEST! YOU GOT TO BEAT THE BEST! WOO! WOO!"-

Tempest: *does a train whistle motion and mimics Terry* WOO-WOO! *runs over to the Nate, Terry, and Sparkle*

-They stand over Nate's motionless body while Tempest high-5s Terry.-

Sparkle: *glares at Tempest* I told you to stop him, not kill him.

Tempest:  …shoulda specified…

Sparkle: *pokes Nate* Nate? Nate? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Tempest: I think he's unconscious. I think this the part where you tie him up. 

Sparkle: And what do we do with him? *jerks thumb in Terry's direction*

Tempest: Oh, I'll send him back. Bye Terry! Bye! *types on keyboard and Terry disappears*

Sparkle: I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Is that the same keyboard that I destroyed, the one that has caused me countless hours of torture?

Tempest: Nooo, this is the new and improved magical keyboard version 2-[point]-oh. Watch this. 

-Tempest types on the keyboard and suddenly Viggo who has been watching the debacle from his hiding place has on a dress. Suddenly his hair grows long and he lets out a scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S SO NOT COOL!" Tempest giggles.-

Tempest: BUT YOU'RE SO PRETTY! *whispers to Tempest* Now one of us has to look under his dress, and then my theory will be proven.

Sparkle: I'm not looking under his dress.

Nate: *groans on the ground*

Tempest: See, even Nate thinks we should look.

Sparkle: But Nate is sorta dead, so he doesn't count. And I'm not looking under Viggo's dress.

Tempest: I'll do it. 

Sparkle: *grabs Tempest's hoodie before she can get away* We have more important things to do. Besides, why did you just make him naked… Then… oh boy… forget I said that.

Tempest: ^_^ Hey! That's a good idea. *starts typing away, but Sparkle snatches the keyboard away* 

Sparkle: There will be no nudity in this fic. It's a PG-13 fic.

Tempest: But they won't see Naked!Viggo. Only the people in the fic will see Naked!Viggo.

Sparkle: I can't let you do that.

Nate: *groans again and starts to stir* What happened? Where am I?

Sparkle: Quick sit on him, so I can tie him up. 

-Tempest casts one last look at Girlie!Viggo and sits on Nate's stomach.-

Tempest: *smiles at Nate* Heylo!

Nate: o_O;; Who are you? And why are you sitting on me?

Tempest: I'm Tempest, and she's Sparkle. And she's kidnapping you.

Nate: *pushes Tempest who falls over*

Sparkle: *holds Duct tape in hand as Nate stands up* Uh-oh. 

-Sparkle hides the duct tape behind her back and smiles innocently as Nate.-

Nate: *glares at Sparkle* You're next.

Tempest (from the ground): He did not just [expletive deleted] push me down.  No more Ms. Nice Guy.

-Tempest stands up angrily and pushes her sleeves up.-

Sparkle: You should run, Nate. Tempest is the last person you want to piss off. 

-Tempest clenches her first and kicks Nate in one shin. Then, she kicks him in the other. He falls to his knees. Tempest jumps on his back and starts choking him out.-

Sparkle: *watched amused as Nate's eyes start to close* You're killing him.

-Nate slumps to the ground.-

Tempest: No, I'm not. I'm just putting him in a sleeper. This time make sure you duct tape him _BEFORE_ he wakes up. 

-Sparkle duct tapes Nate hands & feet.-

Sparkle: Well, we've caught him. *rubs hands together*

Tempest: What do we do, now? 

Sparkle: We drag him to the lodge. *pats a sleeping Nate on his head* Don't worry. We're going to take good care of you.

Tempest: I'm not dragging nobody. 

Sparkle: Fine, I'll drag him myself.

-Sparkle starts dragging Nate as Tempest types on the magical keyboard and snickers. Viggo's screams can be heard in the distance.-

*

What will become of Nate? And will Tempest every publish her book full of debauchery and sordid secrets? (Tempest: You're damn skippy I will.) Why did Allegra say she's French when she's not? And what did Tempest do to Viggo. (Sparkle: Will someone please hide Viggo from Tempest?) 


End file.
